Disco Ball

A Glittering Piece of History is Recovered From the Briny Deep

disco ball

ASSOCIATED PEST
July 25, 2004

Chatterbox

Deep Sea Defectives is proud to announce the recovery of the Andrea Doria's disco ball. World-famous deep-sea scuba diver John Chatterbox found the ball after mining hidden nuggets from blueprints and records of the vessel to determine its most likely location. He then did a hazardous penetration deep into the bowels of the wreck, which is lying on its side in crazy deep lotta water.

Right: Chatterbox "gets down" with some hot wreck-diving moves

"It is of the utmost importance that a diver not become disoriented inside the Andrea Doria" claims Chatterbox. "Because of the tilt of the wreck, the dance floor had actually become the wall, and the ceiling had become the ... er ... uh ... well anyway, once I found the DJ booth, I knew I was close to my goal. That's when all of my research and experience and skills and instincts really paid off."

Chatterbox's longtime Andrea Doria diving partner Richie Kooler interjected "Oh please, don't listen to him. He was just trying to find the bar again and got lucky. Hey, I could have found that stupid thing too. Jeez!"

Chatterbox

Chatterbox's description of the actual find is no less enthralling: Assembling impressions of his surroundings from elbows, knees, neck, and even fins, the work site came to life like a painting in his imagination. Before he reached his mental meniscus, the unmistakable shape of the cowering mirrored orb revealed itself from the chaos. Shoehorning the wonder of his discovery into the reality centers of his brain, Chatterbox played movies in his mind while he shimmied like a neoprene Sasquatch to the crescendoing bongo drums of narcosis. Luckily, even after all that, he remembered to pick the ball up and take it with him, as he had learned under Kooler's subtle tutelage. *

Chatterbox and Kooler are the subjects of the current bestseller "Shallow Divers", by Robert Cursing, which details their quest to identify the mysterious "Yoo-Who" drink served aboard their favorite dive boat. They are also hosts of the popular "Deep Sea Defectives" television series on Nickelodeon.

Chatterbox

"The disco ball turned out to be in a remarkably good state of preservation" according to Chatterbox, who plans to install it in his living room. "Of course, this is only the Second Class disco ball" he continued. "The Italia Lines had three classes of discotheques, not counting the officers', and the crews. The real prize remains to be found in First Class."

Chatterbox

When contacted for comment, veteran Doria diver Gary Genteel exclaimed "What! I thought I already got all the shiny stuff!" and hung up. Dan Crowall, captain of the expedition's vessel SNEEKER, was less cryptic when asked about the significance of the find: "This ball dates to the earliest period in the disco era, before everyone started hating it" he said, brushing away a tear.

The recovery of the Second Class disco ball, and the ongoing search for the First Class ball will be the subject of an upcoming television special, book, another TV special, a film, video game, and finally an animated cartoon series. John Travolta and Samuel L Jackson are reportedly in negotiations to play Chatterbox and Crowall. Tom Cruise has already signed to play Kooler.

Chatterbox
Very expensive computer simulation model showing the complex optics of the disco ball. Courtesy of Deep Sea Defectives

Shallow Divers Movie Update

This just in:

Chatterbox

The movie adaptation of "Shallow Divers", based on the book by Robert Cursing, goes to production.

The film has been plagued by casting changes and script rewrites.

Producer Peter Weird: "It took a lot of work, but I think by focusing more on the romantic aspect of John and Richie's story, we've really broadened the audience appeal of the project."

In the film version, Jessica Alba will play a hard-bitten Los Angeles County lifeguard investigating corruption at a volleyball tournament, who's life is changed forever when a German u-boat washes up on the beach during the semi-finals.

When reached for comment, John Chatterbox said "Wow, that sounds way better than the original story! Jessica Alba, Mmmm!" Richie Kooler added "That's right, John. I'd definitely pay nine bucks to see that." Robert Cursing was speechless.

The project has also had its share of financial woes. Peter Weird: "The budget for sets and props was tight. There wasn't a lot for wardrobe either. Luckily, we didn't need much."

"Jessica took a big cut in pay to work on this film, while John and Richie waived their consulting fees entirely, and even volunteered to share her trailer."

"We saved money in other ways too. For example, in the u-boat scene, the actual submarine thing is rendered entirely in CGI, which saved a fortune on models."

Kenner Announces Shallow Divers Action Figures

Kenner has just announced a new line of Shallow Divers action figures, based on the hit book and movie of the same name. The first three 5" tall figures will be John Chatterbox, Richie Kooler, and Dan Crowall. Each figure will come with realistic dive gear and accessories.

Chatterbox

The Chatterbox figure (pictured) will come with a single-80 oxygen tank ( removable underwater for extra adventure, ) disco ball, and leaky drysuit.

The Kooler figure will come with double 120s, stage bottles, upline, lift bag, light, knife, reel, goody bag with porthole and china, hammer, chisel, crowbar, hacksaw, blowtorch, shovel, ax, dynamite, and leaky drysuit.

The Crowall figure comes with Navy surplus rebreather, kitty litter, video camera, and polyester leisure suit.

In addition, each figure is programmed with a speech module. When you remove his regulator, the Chatterbox figure repeats such memorable lines from the movie as: "I think I have a leak in my drysuit" and "You better put that back, Richie" while the Kooler figure's exciting quips include "Well, John ...", "That's right, John ..." and "I think I have a leak in my drysuit." The Crowall figure repeats "The latest technology ... constant PO2 ... best mix at every depth ... extended bottom time ... etc etc" until the battery runs out.

All toys are certified lead-free, mostly waterproof and tub-safe for hours of fun. Ages 6-65.

This is a completely fictitious story. Any resemblance to places, events, persons, or best-selling books, living or dead, is purely coincidental. If you were believing it up to now, I would like to talk to you about buying a bridge in Brooklyn ...

* Shadow Divers: 30:2, 50:7, 87:1, 95:2, 100:3


NJ Scuba

Pete Nawrocky is a photographer specializing in the underwater environment of the Northeastern United States. Pete's work has been published in numerous books and magazines, including Skin Diver and Underwater USA, and he is currently a staff writer for the Northeast Dive Journal. Pete has also received the Beneath the Sea Diver of the Year award, and the NAUI Outstanding Contributor to Sport Diving award.

Atlantic Rock Crab - Cancer irroratus

Crabs are carnivorous and typically walk on the sea floor. Their habitat ranges from the deep sea up to shallow water, along the shore, and sometimes well inland. The Atlantic Rock Crab is found on rocky or sandy bottoms at depths from the low-tide line to depths of 2600 feet (780m). Although these crabs were once regarded as pests by lobstermen, as they will enter lobster pots and steal bait, the rise in seafood prices has made the crabs a profitable catch as well.

Northern Sea Robin - Prionotus carolinus

The Northern Sea Robin, which grows to 17 inches in length, inhabits waters off most of the eastern coast of North America, migrating south and offshore during the winter. These fish are bottom-dwellers, feeding on various crustaceans, bivalves, squid, and other fish. Sea Robins can be recognized by the large head, broad mouth, spiny dorsal fin, and wing-like pectoral fins.

Sea Gooseberry - Pleurobrachia pileus

This tiny comb jelly is only about an inch across, but its retractable tentacles can extend over twenty times its body length to snare microscopic food organisms. Comb jellies are noted for their sometimes spectacular luminescence, which is produced by glandular structures near the radial digestive canals. Sea Gooseberries, which unlike most jellyfish do not sting, can be found drifting near shore from Maine to Florida and Texas. Another comb jelly, P. bachei is found from Alaska to Baja California on the Pacific coast, and is indistinguishable from P. pileus outside of the laboratory.

Atlantic Purple Sea Urchin - Arbacia punctulata

This omnivorous species, found on rock or shell bottoms from low-tide line to water 750′ (229m) deep, will eat anything from algae, sponges, and coral polyps, to mussels, sand dollars, even dead or dying urchins or other animals. Sea urchins carry fascinating tiny grooming organs between their spines. These organs, once thought to be parasites, are actually just the opposite: an integral part of the animal which keeps the echinoderm’s surface free from other animal or plant organisms.

Tubularian (Pink Hearted) Hydroid - Tubilaria crocea

This is not a plant, but an animal which attaches itself to nearly any solid object continuously submerged in shallow water. Single pink polyps, each up to 5″ high, combine to form a colony over a foot wide. Individual members of the colony become specialized to perform specific tasks, from eating to defending the colony. This species is found on the east coast from Nova Scotia to Cape Hatteras, and from Washington to California in the west.

Northern Red Anemone and Frilled Anemone
Tealia crassicornis and Metridium senile

The similarities between anemones and their relatives, the corals and the jellyfish, are not hard to see. All spend part, if not all of their lives as polyps anchored to the sea floor or other surface, and most employ stinging cells, or nematocysts, to subdue prey.

Both of these anemones are found in northern waters on the east and west US coasts. The Northern Red Anemone can grow to 5″ high and 3″ wide with a hundred tentacles arranged in rings around the mouth. The Frilled Anemone, which can grow to a height of 18″, may have as many as a thousand slender tentacles which give it the frilled appearance. These anemones can reproduce either sexually or asexually, the latter being accomplished by leaving behind, as they creep over a surface, bits of tissue which regenerate into complete organisms.

Goosefish - Lophius piscatorius

This angler fish is a large bottom-dweller, reaching lengths of up to six feet in depths to 1,800 feet (550m). Lophius are voracious eaters, attracting prey with a modified dorsal fin which acts as a “fishing lure.” They have been known to eat a wide variety of fish, turtles, invertebrates, and even birds. Fishermen comment that the goosefish usually comes up in a trawl with a full belly, having gorged itself on its fellow captives. The appearance of this fish belies the delicately flavored flesh, which is popular in Europe.

Blue Mussels - Mytilus edulis

The edible Blue Mussel is usually found in dense masses attached to rocks, pilings, or nearly any solid object between low- and high-tide lines. These mussels grow to 4″ long and feed on nutrients filtered out of the water which passes into and out of the mantle cavity through the frilled siphons. Breathing also occurs as this stream of water passes over the creature’s gills.

Northern Stony Coral - Astrangia danae

The beautiful reefs of tropical locations are not actually living creatures at all, but are built up of the skeletons left behind by hard or stony corals and encrusting algaes. The Northern Stony Coral is the only shallow-water species of stony coral found north of Cape Hatteras. It is pinkish to white in color, and found attached to rocks or shells in water to 135′ deep.

Black Sea Bass - Centropristes striata

A favorite prize of spearfishing SCUBA divers, the Black Sea Bass is an important food fish throughout the mid-Atlantic states. Growing to 24″ in length, this fish is found from Maine to Florida, usually over rocks and around jetties, pilings, and wrecks.

Ocean Sunfish - Mola mola

Perhaps the strangest in appearance of all local fishes, the Ocean Sunfish with its large dorsal fin is probably responsible for more than a few “shark” sightings at sea. The caudal (tail) fin of the Mola mola is reduced to a short flap, with the dorsal and anal fins used like oars for propulsion. This fish can weigh well over a ton and measure up to 13 feet in length. They are found in both the Atlantic and Pacific oceans, and feed on jellyfishes and other small, soft items.

Sea Star - Asterias forbesi

The Common Sea Star is a familiar sight to any north Atlantic wreck diver. Found on rock, sand, or gravel bottoms from the low-tide line to depths of 160′, this creature can grow to over 10 inches across. This Sea Star feeds mainly on bivalve mollusks, by pulling the valves open just far enough to slip a piece of its stomach inside ( it only needs a tiny space of 1/250″. ) It then secretes digestive juices which begin to consume the mollusk’s soft tissues, and finishes the meal once the bivalve’s shell opens as it dies.

Sea Raven - Hemitripterus americanus

The Sea Raven has the unusual ability to pump itself up like a balloon when removed from the water. If it is thrown back again, it first floats helplessly on the surface, then returns to normal as it lets the air back out again. This fish is often used as bait for lobster, though some claim that it tastes good. The Sea Raven is found along the Atlantic coast of the US, and grows to over two feet in length.

If you are a New Jersey diver, we hope we’ve helped you become better acquainted with the creatures you see on your dives. If you’re not, we hope that we have shown you a little of what New Jersey diving has to offer.

Original NJScuba website by Tracy Baker Wagner 1994-1996

From way back when in 1996

Printed from njscuba.net